Lessons from the Wrestling Mat
Lessons from the Wrestling Mat: How I used failure to build mental toughness
By Colin Shober
To understand my wrestling journey you have to understand where I was born and raised. I grew up in Reading Pennsylvania, just outside the Lehigh Valley. The Lehigh Valley is widely considered the number one hotbed for wrestling in the country. More national champions have come out of this small geographic area than any other place in the country; little kids wrestle in Reading the way they play AYSO soccer in the Bay Area. The most important and sustaining lesson I took from wrestling is how to build mental toughness. It doesn’t matter where or how you learn mental toughness, the key is to put yourself in difficult situations with a high likelihood of failure. That is the only way to build this essential mental muscle.
I started wrestling in first grade and had a lot of success early on. Freshman year of high school I was wrestling in the qualifier for the state championship and made it to the semi-finals. I was wrestling a senior who had taken third place in the state last year and was definitely not expected to win. But after the first period, I was leading 5-0. Shocked to be in this position, my mindset shifted and I was no longer playing to win but playing not to lose. My opponent came back to tie the match, sending us into overtime. He took an immediate shot, but I spun behind him and brought him back down to the mat. Overjoyed I started celebrating, but when I saw the look on my coach’s face I knew that something was wrong. I quickly turned around and saw that the referee had called me for a slam and awarded my opponent one point and the match. I was absolutely crushed and could not regain my composure. I went on to lose my next two matches and took sixth place, failing to qualify for the state tournament by one spot.
But this is not where my story ends. When you face a loss do you throw in the towel or double down and work even harder? I chose the latter. I decided to train even more, quitting soccer so I could compete in off-season wrestling tournaments. The next year I took third in the state, and junior and senior year I took first place. My only loss in my last two years of highschool was when I bumped up a weight class to wrestle the defending state champion in that weight. Instead of padding my record with wins, I sought out the hardest opponent I could find. I knew I could not get tougher mentally (and physically) without putting myself in highly challenging situations like this one.
Besides wrestling, I believe chess and math are both great arenas to build mental toughness. Whether you are grappling with an opponent on a mat, chess board or with a problem set, you are inevitably bound to fail. Recently one of my chess students played in his first tournament and lost every game. I was concerned he might want to quit chess and had a long and motivating speech prepared. I was surprised and proud to hear that he still enjoyed the tournament and is ready to sign up for the next one. But mental toughness is only part of the equation. The right mindset is needed to be a champion. So encourage your child to try that super difficult thing, build that mental toughness … and in my next blog I’ll tell you all about a champion’s mindset.
Colin Shober grew up in a wrestling family and will be inducted into Pennsylvania’s District Three Wrestling Hall of Fame in 2025. He was a division one wrestler at Northwestern University while studying psychology. When he’s not teaching math and chess, Colin enjoys going on long runs in the woods and juggling.
