A New School Year Resolution: Set Intentions, Not Goals
By Paige Austin
Why does back-to-school feel sort of momentous year after year? Maybe it’s because the start of the academic year seems like the true “new year” for children and their families. That first day of classes, that fresh start, it just feels so much more important and meaningful than the first day in January. During times of transition I’m always tempted and excited by the idea of setting goals, imagining a new and improved version of myself! But as I think more deeply about the hopes I have for my children and the values I wish to share with them, I realize that what we should set are intentions, not goals.
I did some digging around to accurately define the difference between a goal and an intention. What resonated most for me was that goals are rooted in the future while intentions are oriented in the present moment. A goal is something concrete that you want to achieve while an intention is a principle that guides how you want to live your life. Have you ever set a goal, achieved it, and noticed that your life is not magically better?! Harvard psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar coined the term “arrival fallacy” to describe “the illusion that once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, we will reach lasting happiness.” Achieving our goals can leave us feeling empty and unchanged and not achieving our goals can render us deflated and defeated.
Most of us have watched our children set a goal and then work hard to achieve it. I have seen both my son and daughter do everything in their power and still their goal did not come to fruition. We live in an achievement-oriented culture where success is binary — were you successful or not? American cultural values tell us that achievement is directly correlated to how hard we work, but maybe an uncomfortable reality is that achieving our goals is not always in our control. So how do we help our children make meaning of their experiences, no matter the outcome?
Our family’s favorite basketball player is Milwaukee Bucks power forward Giannis Antetokounmpo. Last spring when the Bucks lost in the playoffs, a reporter for The Atlantic asked Giannis if he viewed the season as a failure. Giannis’ response went viral, admonishing the reporter for his question and saying “there is no failure in sports.”
Maybe this back to school season there is no failure, period. I’m not sure if this idea is radical or not, but I’m ready to live in the present and with intention. Since our best family conversations seem to happen in cars, maybe that’s when I’ll chat with my children about their intentions for that day. I will praise my children for showing up for themselves and their communities, and focus less on the outcomes of tests, sports and friendships. I hope that in the back-to-school whirlwind, you have a moment to feel centered around your intentions, and I wish you the happiest of new school years.
Paige has taught middle and high school humanities and loves creating content for Grupology. She blinked her eyes and found that her once little kids are now in 7th and 9th grade.
